Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Hit by a train...

Like Kati said, I remember the day like it was yesterday. I couldn't wait. Kati said it was my choice to choose if we were going to find out the sex. Heck yes we are finding out.
"Boy or girl, what are you hoping for?", Kati asked.
"It really doesn't matter, happy and healthy is good enough for me!", I replied.
Little did I know that today would bring us news of the opposite.
I don't want to go into it (Kati covered everything) but I do want to talk about what I felt. Pain, loss, hopeless, fear, uncomforting, numb all at the same time. I can't remember feeling that way. When the nurse first told us she paged the doctor I tried so hard to act like it was probably no big deal. Stay positive for Kati, she needed me. But it couldn't be hidden, I was a mess inside. What did this mean for us? When the doctor came in I could instantly see it on his face as well. In his best way he tried to explain what he saw and what it meant. I could tell it wasn't why he decided to be a doctor. Who enjoys giving news like this? I tried really hard to pay attention to him because I knew I would be the one to explain it again to family and friends. When he left the room, hope seemed to leave with him. At least my room.

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